I was reading a post this morning on one of my favorite blog sites for men (The Good Men Project). The post was written by a man who was asked to give a short speech at his brothers wedding.
The blog was beautiful.
What wasn’t beautiful were the comments. Some of them were ignorant, others offensive and still others were downright cruel.
“No sex after marriage, eh? Figures.” and “Only women think about marriage like you are describing.”
I was taken aback. Having just got married myself recently, I was sort of flabbergasted there was so much disillusion with getting married.
Granted, I used to be one of the loudest proponents and most disillusioned people against the institution of marriage, but still.
After our wedding, almost every person at our wedding walked away saying, “oh my god, best wedding ever!”
Do you know why?
It wasn’t because we spent tens of thousands of dollars (which we didn’t) or because there was a live band (which there wasn’t) or because we had top of the line alcohol (which we did, actually, thanks to my amazing brother in-law wine rep!).
Our wedding was amazing because it was intimate, because we made it about us and because we came together as two whole Selves bonding in a commitment.
We saw our marriage as a union of souls, a spiritual bond, though we aren’t religious. Because of the work I do, I understand the significance of making a commitment.
When we make commitments, the universe conspires to assist us or aspires to tear us apart if the commitment is out of alignment with who we really are.
Even our vows were individual – not the old sickness and in health bit (because, really, that would be an asshole move to leave during sickness) – but new vows, our vows.
Vows that said I promise to listen to who you really are, I promise to hold you as wild and free, to offer you faith, trust and love without restraint. I promise to be and express my Deep Soul Self to the best of my ability.
We made an agreement that surpassed any I could have ever imagined.
And every day since then has been a blessing and rich beyond my wildest imagining (… and I would also wholeheartedly state that there is, in fact, sex after marriage and it-is-awesome!).
Commitments Are Sexy
So here’s a sweet cookie for all you commitment-phobes out there: Women don’t need you to commit to a marriage, or to being their life long swimming partner, but women DO need you to commit to something.
Here’s the secret: what you are committing to is (somewhat) irrelevant. What is sexy to women is that you are committing. (*cue sighs and cheers from the female section of the audience*).
Women love a man who knows what he wants and is committed to getting it.
Now I don’t mean that you should become a psychopathic workaholic committed to becoming the worlds best pizza stacker or some other such nonsense. I mean a commitment that is in alignment with your truest Deep Soul Self.
Why? Take some advice from my home skillet, Johann…
“At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When you commit, and commit in a way that is true to you, the universe will line itself up to help you out. Things will go your way and maybe that sexy little kitten you’ve had your eye on will fall right into your lap – without any extra work on your part.
This weeks video outlines a four step plan to make a commitment that will get the assistance you need, is in alignment with you you really are and create fruition around having those things (or women!) you most desire!
Good luck out there, men, keep up the good work!
I’m committed to developing healthy, active and fun relationships with my kids.
I’m committed to self-improvement; physically, mentally and spiritually.
I’m committed to learning to play the acoustic guitar.
Ooooo! Those are good commitments!!!
and very resonant with your being, I might add.
Thank you for sharing ~ C.
Glad you liked my wedding speech article, Christin. Thanks for the props!!! I too was a little surprised by some of the negative comments (if you want to see some doozies, this piece also ran on HuffPo and some of the comments there made me wonder if they mistook my article for a political rant… but most have been really positive).
LOVE your blog here too. Great advice. I’ve been perusing your site and really like what you’re doing. Anyone who quotes Goethe has me hooked. I’ll be signing up for your email blasts and taking your relationship advice to heart.
Stay in touch!
Patrick
Patrick! What a pleasure to have you drop by the site!
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. I appreciated your original article and it moved me so much – I found myself getting all huffy-puffy about the negative comments. Today I can find them more amusing and see it as a an unfortunate side affect of a world that doesn’t know how to connect intimately and authentically. I will have to check out the HuffPo comments as well!
THANK YOU for the kind words about my work. It is one of my greatest joys and always get a wiggly-surge-of-joy when someone appreciates it.
Many Blessings,
Christin
Christin, I’m a friend of Patrick Caneday who wrote the article you mentioned on the Good Men Project. I saw his post about your blog on Facebook and I’m so glad I did! I love what you’re doing. I’m also highly intuitive (you can read more about what I do with the Little Light Project) and what most resonated with me was “When we make commitments, the universe conspires to assist us or aspires to tear us apart if the commitment is out of alignment with who we really are.” I have found this to be so true in my life over the past year and a half and just wanted to thank you for that extra validation.
Kiersten,
WOW! Thank you!
I find the statement highly resonant as well. It makes sense to me that the Universe would only want what is best for us, and so if we decide and commit to a course of action that is not best for us, the Universe would surly let us know – though it may be a painful process (as was mine!) the end goal I believe is one of infinite kindness and love.
I will be diving into your sight – I love intuitives!
Christin
Oh, I hear ya on the painful process part!
Glad to know you and look forward to reading more of your work.
Best wishes,
Kiersten
I’m committed to being a better father.
I’m committed to being a writer.
I’m committed to being the best man I can be.
Excellent commitments, Jeff. Thank you so much for posting.
I especially like the last one